DAY 679: JUST A SNAPSHOT
🍁
Focused on sewing in silver and gold, I feel like I am adding magic with every mark, each fresh stitch awakening, lifting, joining and bringing together that which was separate bit by bit. I also feel like I am rediscovering the surface, and, as I do so, uncovering new things. This gold line cuts through dandelions, body parts, a virus, seaweed and waves; and even here, in this inch-wide slice, you can detect a story about the way of it. Meandering – complete with loops and extended pauses where a sequin is cornered, romanced and imbibed: it reveals a glimpse into a larger tale, like a chapter in a book. It reminds me of a kite string or a balloon thread: me, the reader, observer, audience, located at the bottom, way down below, gripping tightly to the lower end and holding on for dear life lest I let slip and lose my grip on life it’s very self; carefully transporting this 'other' world, this 'alternate' universe full of hope, longing, potential and love... from A to B, B to C; trusting in the journey, the ending and happy outcome, yet never any the wiser to its goings on.
🍂
There is the life outside of me in which I partake and in which I am both heroine and protagonist. This is the life "according to me", the one for which I set the soundtrack. I live here with my partner and my dog in an apartment in the city close to the shops where we reside on the fifth floor in a building without a lift. Then there is another life, the life outside of me in which I only feature – or appear mentally/energetically, intangible, as a vapour. This is the me as I appear to others – friends, family, acquaintances and neighbours; shop keepers and the man and woman on the street. In this world, I am a supporting actress, a nothing, nobody, and, as such, I have little power. 🍁
And then there are these other lives... the past lives, the part that has passed on in this life, the present with its narrative and future timeline, the future that may or not be depending on how I choose to operate, the quantum lives that exist in parallel alongside of this life, and that life...
🍂
NB: as I mention below, my brain is struggling right now, perhaps resisting the change in temperature and light, perhaps hitting another bump in this long old healing journey? So I’m not really flowing much, either with the needle or the pen. To keep you up-to-date and not snarl the whole process up too much, me having lots of photos and no written asides, or just heaps of new sewn bits with nothing done to document them - I’m doing what I can. Apologies if it’s not matched to my usual style or tone and if it’s all a bit ragged like Anne.
DAY 681: A JELLYFISH 🐙 A FOETUS 🤰🏻 AND A PRAWN 🍤
a flower,
a leaf,
growing out of the desert,
reaching out to embrace -
in a shower,
like a quaint rural town fountain burbling,
or a summer rain storm -
my fog-tired brain,
which still looks like
a jellyfish,
a foetus
and a prawn. ——————————————————————- If you would like to learn 👩🏻🏫 how to sew like I do, using the thread to tell a story, reveal a secret, share a truth, heal a wound so deep you can’t physically reach it: contact me at myinsideout@me.com for details and to arrange a time ⌚️. I offer 1-2-1 👯♀️and Skype/FaceTime👩🏻💻tuition in 1 + 2 hour slots, competitively priced 💸. I also sell my work on etsy. See bio for link. —————————— #1yearofstitches #oneyearofstitches #365daysofstitches #1yearofstitches2018 #embroidery #sewing #needlework #needlepoint #embroideredart #sewingprojects #arttherapy #needlepointart #thisprojectwillsavemylife #lemonrosepetals #myinsideout #embroideredtruths #mallorca #palmademallorca #calvia #puertoportals #balearics
DAY 675: IN THE MIDNIGHT GARDEN
🌷
In the Midnight Garden the flowers glow in the dark, their petals like bioluminescent plankton. The yellow ones look like dancing flames; wild, free spirits with no one to tame them. The green are parakeets, emerald plumes brightening each blessed branch. And the pink, if you can imagine the innocence of them animated, are glowing hearts. Entering is like falling down a hole into Wonderland or opening your wardrobe and encountering Narnia: surprising, unexpected and not-quite-real. It’s what I imagine Pandora, the land from the movie Avatar to look like, and where, given the choice, I would most like to live.
🌻
This silver flower reminds me of that and her message: "elope", positioned close to the words "swimming" and "freedom", entices me to pack a bag. A shame all scheduled trips are in the opposite direction, ,located in the land I fled: for who would run back to the soil and the arms of what initially caused them the most harm?
DAY 664: CODDLING AND CUDDLING A DEAD BRANCH
🐛
I’m not really sure what I was thinking when I decided to attach these sequins. I was having a bad day, miffed with the weather and feeling physically run down; bemoaning yet another shower, the incessant damp, the catch in my throat and the cold that has descended, the inescapableness of it, deep in my bones and at my very centre, and I guess I wanted to cheer up. And it doesn’t matter how many saunas and hot baths, how many steaming drinks, how many blankets, layers and charcoal and iron heat packs, how much turmeric and ginger... it isn’t shifting. So sequins felt like a safe place to park, and pink a fitting colour to hold it, evoking feelings of friendship, love and (I know, I know; why torture myself?!...) spring. And as it grew – this pink sequin collage which was really just a collection of overlapping wrapped discs slapped down happily and merrily in no particular order, at least as far as I can tell – a butterfly appeared: a symbol of hope. Birth after death, new beginnings rising from loss, trust in the Universe and Her love: she is the shackled freed, the burdened enlightened, the earthbound bedecked and the ego as we are yet to see her in our present day lives, released and able to enter and tour the sky. But to get to be her, we have to first surrender, letting go of our identity and our belief and sense of who and what we have to be and are. When she comes up as a symbol, it’s a good time to ask: where am I stuck?, where am I refusing to budge?, where and what are all one hundred of my legs stubbornly clinging onto and why? Where, too, might we be ignoring the call to slumber, to stop, switching our focus from out to in? If we cut to the core: in our denial, are we coddling and coveting a dead branch?
🌳
This morning in meditation, I heard a voice. It was my heart and she wanted to play. As I listened to the words she was singing over and over: "play, play, play; I want to play”... I was filled with laughter and joy and struck, too, by the realisation that I had been taking things far too seriously all this time, attempting to please everyone but myself.
🦋
DAY 664: THE FINISHING TOUCHES
🎎
There’s something really satisfying about completing a project; not just the entire project spanning months and months, but the mini ones contained within: in this case, my 'brain leaf'. As a motif, it’s dominated these past months; sitting top centre in place of a throne and I’ve slipped between liking and disliking, confidence and doubt. As I’ve filled it in, however, it has evolved: transitioning from partial idea to fully-fledged thing. It reminds me of Japan and kimonos and spring flowers; white narcissus and daffodils and quilts. I can imagine myself wearing an outfit cut from its fabric and feeling all empress-like and fit to wear a crown. 👑
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If you would like to learn 👩🏻🏫 how to sew like I do, using the thread to tell a story, reveal a secret, share a truth, heal a wound so deep you can’t physically reach it: contact me at myinsideout@me.com for details and to arrange a time ⌚️. I offer 1-2-1 👯♀️and Skype/FaceTime👩🏻💻tuition in 1 + 2 hour slots, competitively priced 💸. I also sell my work on etsy. See bio for link. ——————————
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DAY 662: GOLD LEAF
🍂
As the leaves change colour and begin to fall and turn crisp; as the weather cools and the days shrink, as the streets begin to empty and the world returns to the world I know... I am drawn to revisit the centre top and the brain-like leaf – a part I began and then left without finishing, always meaning to go back. It’s the perfect self-metaphor: for I am nothing if not a part-written book, a wardrobe amassing hangers... One day I will publish, release, promote, all of those boxed projects... One day I will free all of my creativity from its pine cell... But right now the thought of washing and blocking and stretching and framing and photographing and uploading and emailing out is just one thought too much. And so, rather than face what I dread, the enormity of the task far outweighing and overshadowing the outcome: I simply alight, flying away on butterfly wings. 🦋
Today, however, I am safe; so I fill in space with gold – my eyes straining to see the holes left, my face mere inches from the fabric. The colour feels very apt, the whole area very autumney and earthy. To the left are the words "free" and "elope", which meant nothing at the time but which now, upon consideration, make a lot of sense. The leaf breaks free from the tree who no longer needs her, sacrificing all of her connections and the only family she has ever known, steering a gentle, downwardly course towards her next adventure, both eloping willingly and fleeing for want of choice. 🐞
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If you would like to learn 👩🏻🏫 how to sew like I do, using the thread to tell a story, reveal a secret, share a truth, heal a wound so deep you can’t physically reach it: contact me at myinsideout@me.com for details and to arrange a time ⌚️. I offer 1-2-1 👯♀️and Skype/FaceTime👩🏻💻tuition in 1 + 2 hour slots, competitively priced 💸. I also sell my work on etsy. See bio for link. ——————————
#1yearofstitches #oneyearofstitches #365daysofstitches #1yearofstitches2018 #embroidery #sewing #needlework #needlepoint #embroideredart #sewingprojects #arttherapy #needlepointart #thisprojectwillsavemylife #lemonrosepetals #myinsideout #embroideredtruths #mallorca #palmademallorca
DAY 658: THE FAIRY GOD MOTHER TOUCH
🤩
In preparation for the end – and I guess to get my head around what does and doesn’t need to be done and how to join it all up – I’ve been focusing on silver and gold, adding a delicate foundation of shine. 🤩
To me it looks like autumn cobwebs nesting on dew-soaked Holly and the shimmering path of rain down glass. And, perhaps, too, it’s like the night sky, on those nights when it’s really clear and you can see stars in their hundreds. 🤩
The patterns I’m making are purely instinctive, my mind not planning or thinking ahead. In some places there are what look like branches and veins. In others, spirals and circles. And others still, occasional writing creeps in. Here, for instance, I added a heart, which sits subtly at the end of the word "pants" and to the right of the dandelion-looking sequin. The heart is my mind returning to the day when I slipped and fell down in the road, my present self telling my past self not to worry, there is pain and bruising and it hurts like hell to write, to sleep, to walk... but in time it goes.
DAY 656: A TURQUOISE BOX WITH A WHITE SATIN TIE
💍
Last night I received a gift from my partner, his way of saying "I’m home" and "I’m sorry I had to leave" after a trip. It’s what makes the absences bearable, that bribery, and I insist upon it; although, let’s face it: there’s no substitute for the real thing. In any given month, he’s usually away for several weeks. This time he was gone for four days... back for three... then off again for five... leapfrogging around England. And somehow he got to shop: queue signature turquoise bag and white-satin-ribbon-wrapped-matching-turquoise-box. 💍
To remind myself in the years to come, not just of the gift, but more of the week of solitude, of the week of epic weather and the stamina it required to navigate; to remember the compromises, lessons and challenges, and to recall the things released... I recreate the contents of my box, positioning said 'mystery-unveiled-item' like a trophy atop a mantlepiece, it’s plaque proudly proclaiming "she conquered her fear". When I am old – or at least old enough to be far enough away from this day to look back and fondly reconsider it – I would like to think that even with the item gone, long-since replaced by those other, newer items that took its place: it was meaningful as a mark of how I survived. 💍
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If you would like to learn 👩🏻🏫 how to sew like I do, using the thread to tell a story, reveal a secret, share a truth, heal a wound so deep you can’t physically reach it: contact me at myinsideout@me.com for details and to arrange a time ⌚️. I offer 1-2-1 👯♀️and Skype/FaceTime👩🏻💻tuition in 1 + 2 hour slots, competitively priced 💸. I also sell my work on etsy. See bio for link. ——————————
#1yearofstitches #oneyearofstitches #365daysofstitches #1yearofstitches2018 #embroidery #sewing #needlework #needlepoint #embroideredart #sewingprojects #arttherapy #needlepointart #thisprojectwillsavemylife #lemonrosepetals #myinsideout #embroideredtruths #mallorca #palmademallorca #calvia #puertoportals #balearics
DAY 648: FREAK STORMS
⛈
Autumn always brings up different things for me, mostly difficult: the sudden shift from sun to rain, the shorter days and darker skies, the chilly mornings and brisk evenings... all wear down my reserves, so that when anything lands on top – which obviously it always does; it’s like: "Poof!" and suddenly I’m upside down.
☔️
Inspecting the world from this vantage point is dirty work. Through a fog of sleep (said 'fog' derived from not getting enough; not last night, not tonight, not ever...), I muddle on, trying to make the best of it, trying not to take it too personally when there are real storms and floods. For days, I huddle beneath a broken umbrella, inside a rain-drenched house... wondering: if this is Hell; if this is where I’m at and set to remain for the ensuing autumn and winter months. And then it breaks, and there is sun, and it’s almost like none of it happened and we are forgiven again. Only ten people have died, cars have been washed out to sea, villages have sunk and many have lost their homes. This has not happened for 29 years. 🌊
During this time I’ve thought a lot about family and interpersonal relationships and in this thinking I’ve discovered a common theme: the words "guilt"and "shame" come to mind and a sense of not being good enough. I have spent my life apologising for who I am, haemorrhaging love, time, energy, money... on gifts; overly trying, only to realise later on that my difference, which is the issue, is a gift, a gift that should have been encouraged and shown how to shine. ⛈
Laying it down on fabric therefore becomes a ritual: my reaching out in prayer to a power higher up, my looking for help to release these feelings of 'less-than' that I should not be there and that I should not be carrying. Stitching the words; surrounding then in sequins, adding gold and silver bits... becomes very therapeutic. It’s just a shame that, because it’s near the edge, I can’t get a great shot and the fabric’s all wrinkled. But accepting that and allowing it, letting it go out 'as is' is, I guess, all part of the healing. ☔️
DAY 646: KNOWN SPACE
👔
I decided to get the iron out to see if I could straighten things up as we have become a bit rumpled making it hard to get a good shot. A lot of steaming and running backwards and forwards later (with the iron not my feet) and this is what I got. Not prefect but a good deal better than before. I think it’s going to need stretching before it goes into a frame, otherwise parts of it will remain puckered. This is where I wish I had gone to embroidery school so I at least knew how to do that, or so that I didn’t make the stupid mistake to begin with. This is also why so many things that I do end up living in the cupboard waiting for me to feel brave enough to finish them off. And I guess it’s why in general we never start that diet, join that class, book that appointment, make those friends... We don’t like leaving our known space.
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If you would like to learn 👩🏻🏫 how to sew like I do, using the thread to tell a story, reveal a secret, share a truth, heal a wound so deep you can’t physically reach it: contact me at myinsideout@me.com for details and to arrange a time ⌚️. I offer 1-2-1 👯♀️and Skype/FaceTime👩🏻💻tuition in 1 + 2 hour slots, competitively priced 💸. I also sell my work on etsy. See bio for link. ——————————
#1yearofstitches #oneyearofstitches #365daysofstitches #1yearofstitches2018 #embroidery #sewing #needlework #needlepoint #embroideredart #sewingprojects #arttherapy #needlepointart #thisprojectwillsavemylife #lemonrosepetals #myinsideout #embroideredtruths #mallorca #palmademallorca #calvia #puertoportals #balearics
DAY 638: THE MISSING PIECE
✨
I’m over my cold and my dog and partner are finally over theirs too. We’ve been a pretty sick family in one way or another these past weeks, each of us getting knocked down by different viruses. I think my dog had it the worst though as she had visits to the vet to contend with for things like blood tests, ultrasounds and vaccination renewals. The poor little thing was so traumatised by the end, she didn’t want to leave the house. Today we are back on track, albeit reluctantly, and, after an hour of being out with me, she has finally decided to relax. Currently, she is sitting on her very own chair with blankets heaped up on and around her because it is cold outside. She will sleep without interruption now for several hours, rousing only when I nudge her to go home. And hopefully tomorrow, having enjoyed and successfully survived today, she will be calmer and trust me again. Talking of which: I am working on restoring and rebuilding mine, both in regards to my health and also to my relationships. Over the course of my life, I have been let down by both and the journey back to trust and hope is a long one.
✨
I stick to silver, carrying on the thought and theme of yesterday, taking the line upwards to join the part that was the beginning spark and stitch of this piece: that simple word "pneumonia" so tension-laced, and the those flamingo-like lungs that look both proud and delicate. I see this journey as like one walking down a moonlit pathway or as journeying through a long tunnel. For this reason, I add a star, as well as bulbs to grow flowers, for where there is illness, tension and pain, growth is necessary to heal things. ✨
Later I try out a new meditation technique, bringing my whole family together to a campfire on the beach. With my aunt as mediator we hold hands and speak, each sharing our grievances. It feels real enough at the time that I believe in it and I’m hopeful that it will be helpful. ✨
Cont in comments... 👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻
DAY 637: FOR SIMPLICITY SAKE...
🌸
There comes a time in every piece of creative work where you have to stop having fun and playing around and start being responsible and serious; this entails surveying the piece as a whole (free of the hoop), looking closely at all of the separate parts, and planning ahead... because the last leg is all about linking and making the work work as a whole. 🎀
I like to think of it like standing in front of a classroom full of students: in this case, ones I have created. Male, female, young, old, black, white, healthy, sick, rich, poor (and hailing from all four corners): pulled together under one roof; art students, maths majors, english lit under-grads, Sociology masters, etc... An amalgam of Self-Help, Psychology, Spirituality, Science and Health: I’m not sure what my piece is. But for simplicity sake, for now, Environmental Health will do. 🎐
Because the pink ribbon I attached at the very beginning has frayed leaving messy edges, I work on mending today. I decide to couch sequins on top, using them as mini anchors, catching the wisps of damaged silk and squashing them underneath. I enjoy this because sequins are therapeutic and overall it seems to add something extra to the ribbon, which stood out a bit too much before. It reminds me of cherry blossoms, rose petals, shells, sea glass and coral and is soft and soothing. I also add silver, crafting triangular necks and running stitch stems for three of the sequins, turning them into flowers. This allows this part of the piece to connect to other parts of the piece as well, joining the separate parts together. 🌸
If you would like to learn 👩🏻🏫 how to sew like I do, using the thread to tell a story, reveal a secret, share a truth, heal a wound so deep you can’t physically reach it: contact me at myinsideout@me.com for details and to arrange a time ⌚️. I offer 1-2-1 👯♀️and Skype/FaceTime👩🏻💻tuition in 1 + 2 hour slots, competitively priced 💸. I also sell my work on etsy. See bio for link. ——————————
#1yearofstitches #oneyearofstitches #365daysofstitches #1yearofstitches2018 #embroidery #sewing #needlework #needlepoint #embroideredart #sewingprojects #arttherapy #needle
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