Rebecca L. Atherton

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← Bleeding from new places

Rhyme or reason →

Souvenirs

Posted on July 9, 2016 by Lemon Rose Petals

Visiting a cafe to work,
I sit next to a couple with a dog,
accidentally spilling milk in my lap.

At home, I discover a circular stain
spread out over one knee
into which several white dog hairs have stuck.

by Rebecca L. Atherton

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This entry was posted in poetry and tagged dog, dog hairs, mil, observation, poem, poetry, spilt milk. Bookmark the permalink.

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Recent Posts:

BACK WHEN WE WERE TALKING August 30, 2018
Puddles August 15, 2018
All of a… (flutter) August 15, 2018
Summer Insanity August 15, 2018
Embroidered Truths: Day 567 July 26, 2018
Life Lessons June 30, 2018
Last night June 30, 2018
My stupid body May 6, 2018
Waking up April 9, 2018
Step by step April 8, 2018
After a couple of days of torrential rain… March 30, 2018
Muddied Water March 29, 2018
Amateurs March 28, 2018
Last Night… March 27, 2018
Comfortable & @ Peace March 26, 2018
Prayer Work January 1, 2018
Rapunzel January 1, 2018
Cold, dead and dark. November 26, 2017
Like my dog, I like to hide inside blankets… November 1, 2017
Rabbit Holes October 12, 2017

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• Embroidered Truths •

Get front row tickets to the tears, cheers, dropped stitches and finished pieces of a British-born artist.

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DAY 626: UNSHED TEARS AND YET TO BE RELEASED GRIEF 😪 I had a reunion today with a close friend after an absence of three months. She is the friend I went swimming in the sea with at the beginning of summer, and the friend I meet each week to sew with in one or other cafe. She has just returned from Barcelona, where she went to look after her mother who is in a home and who is sick, so that her sister, who usually looks after her, could go on holiday. Over the last two years we have shared many projects, as well as conversations. This week, instead of mending a cardigan or shortening a pair of trousers, she pulls out a hoop and a circular mat with a crocheted surround, wraps a torn pillowcase around the larger frame edge, and attaches the mat to it. It is a present for her mother, who has recently passed. On Friday, her family is holding a private ceremony on a mountain hilltop in the grounds of a small monastery and she has been instructed to bring a gift. Whether for the fire, the sea or a daughter or grandson... she doesn’t know; it is a close-kept secret. It strikes me as such a precious, beautiful idea, and one that can only help. Saying goodbye to someone who is dying of old age and terminal illness but who, for some reason, has not up until now been able to let go, has been a difficult journey. She has had two years of hopping on a plane, rushing to a bedside, witnessing anguish and pain. Her mother is at peace, free: it is what everyone wanted. But there is her, and her family’s, grief and pain. 🔥 As I watch her I sew what I think are roots, grounding and anchoring the newly created colour. But afterwards, on reflection, I think they look more like weeds – bright arms of coral reaching out to embrace a larger less vibrant reef of silver and gold, the sequins like underwater fish eggs, tadpole larvae, anaemic grapes or pealed lychee. There’s also the thought, feeling and form of unshed tears and yet-to-be-released grief. 🍇 #1yearofstitches #oneyearofstitches #365daysofstitches #1yearofstitches2018 #embroidery #sewing #needlework #needlepoint #embroideredart #sewingprojects #arttherapy #needlepointart #thisprojectwillsavemylife #lemonrosepetals #myinsi

DAY 624: A SLICE OF WATERMELON 🍉 Green thread today; perhaps because my red looks a bit like a watermelon? 🥒 I pull a vibrant, forest-coloured length, because it calls to me, and get to some couching and knotting. It’s fiddly work and my thread keeps tangling. 🥑 There is energy in this circle, a bit like a fresh organic juice or a vegan salad bowl. Where other areas are gentle and curious, not quite clear about what they want to illustrate or impart, this one has no trouble speaking. I’m looking forwards to hearing it’s message and seeing how it develops. 🍏 #1yearofstitches #oneyearofstitches #365daysofstitches #1yearofstitches2018 #embroidery #sewing #needlework #needlepoint #embroideredart #sewingprojects #arttherapy #needlepointart #thisprojectwillsavemylife #lemonrosepetals #myinsideout #embroideredtruths #mallorca #palmademallorca #calvia #puertoportals #balearics —————————— If you would like to learn 👩🏻‍🏫 how to sew like I do, using the thread to tell a story, reveal a secret, share a truth, heal a wound so deep you can’t physically reach it: contact me at myinsideout@me.com for details and to arrange a time ⌚️. I offer 1-2-1 👯‍♀️and Skype/FaceTime👩🏻‍💻tuition in 1 + 2 hour slots, competitively priced 💸. I also sell my work on etsy. See bio for link.

DAY 620: A STACK OF PAPER AND A BOX OF PAINTS AND CRAYONS 🦔 So I took a week off work this week to accommodate on other projects and give myself a break. Sometimes you’ve got to stir it up in order to come back with a clear head and I was feeling weighed down, trapped within the boundaries of this piece and a bit confused too by the direction it was going in. My focus has always been to take what is going on in my life and transpose it onto fabric; so when things get intense or leap off along a different path, they have a tendency to take everything along with it. What started as a way of processing pneumonia and healing from it’s side effects; a short term wading through of hospital-associated trauma and the cloud attached to coming face-to-face with my own mortality and lack of it... expanded as I discovered other things, unknown and unresolved, about my health and body. It’s time to taper that and tap back into my intuition, relaxing and letting it flow again. Working from my head all week on a personal project, reminded me of the joy that comes from indulging in a little light relief – like a child with a stack of paper and a box of paints and crayons. 🍁 As September expands, the weather is changing and it’s getting dark earlier and cooler at nights. These things give me the heebie jeebies. I need blue sky, sun above, warmth, heat, the flow of air on and around my body. I need to be able to swim outside, wear bare arms and feet, put ice in my drink. Autumn, winter, requires closed windows, radiators, artificial light and an extra layer or two. Eating raw is harder. Already, I’ve swapped my flip flops for flats and socks and I’m wearing a light jumper, and there’s a blanket on the bed with the sheet; the first of three, which will gradually join me over winter. Today, the sky is grey and peppered with rain, even though it’s humid. It’s waking all sorts of feelings about the days to come and the months of dark ahead. I stumbled upon a crate of ornamental squash this morning as I browsed the local market. It lit me right up. A good seasonal remedy is always a bit of interior design. 🍄

DAY 612: CUTE, QUIRKY AND UPBEAT 🐕 So here we are: the finished, almost, piece in her full glory. Can you spot the missing bit? I was almost but not quite done when I clicked. And since then, the weather has been frightful and there’s been no light. 🐕 As you can see, there are a lot more sequins. And I got carried away with the silver and gold. I like it, though. It’s cute, quirky and upbeat. 🐕 #1yearofstitches #oneyearofstitches #365daysofstitches #1yearofstitches2018 #embroidery #sewing #needlework #needlepoint #embroideredart #sewingprojects #arttherapy #needlepointart #thisprojectwillsavemylife #lemonrosepetals #myinsideout #embroideredtruths #mallorca #palmademallorca #calvia #puertoportals #balearics #thyroidhealing #Hashimoto’sthyroiditis #epsteinbarrvirus #autoimmunedisease #medicalmedium #anthonywilliam #phlebotomy —————————— If you would like to learn 👩🏻‍🏫 how to sew like I do, using the thread to tell a story, reveal a secret, share a truth, heal a wound so deep you can’t physically reach it: contact me at myinsideout@me.com for details and to arrange a time ⌚️. I offer 1-2-1 👯‍♀️and Skype/FaceTime👩🏻‍💻tuition in 1 + 2 hour slots, competitively priced 💸.

DAY 604: SPARKLY BLONDE TIARA-WEARING TOY DOGS 👸🏼 This week marks the 18th anniversary of my relationship with my boyfriend. Ideally, it would mark our 14th wedding anniversary too, but my partner fears the idea of being tied down, even to me: you should have seen how he resisted the mortgage and buying our first house, and how he fought forming any kind of bond with our first pet; how long it took until he could write a Will or open a joint bank account. When we decided to move abroad, it took a year for him to mentally align and then another to physically act. Like a seed, you have to plant and then gently step back. Patience and time have always been the best remedy, along with tenderness and love, but sometimes it can be hard doing nothing. Sometimes, I am like a horse chirping at the bit. He’s happy to own a house now and he loves and adores our dog. He’s even swapped his payroll and his boss for a life of freedom and autonomy. I guess it’s all about where you push and where you place your priorities and mine were always fur friends and travelling. Weddings and babies block all of that because they demand big lumps of cash. But each year when our anniversary comes around, I get a visit from my ten-year-old self, reminding me of my dreams of a big white wedding and a big sleepy suburban house and perhaps I get nostalgic and a few demons pop out. Other people plant seeds; and weeds, especially, like to grow. But recently I’ve stopped trying to avoid questions and caring about that... and I’ve stopped judging myself and feeling embarrassed and ashamed too. My life decisions and what I choose to or not to do, what I value, are only of concern to me. We are married where it counts and I know that only an accident or an illness will take him from me. Maybe we’ll get married on our deathbeds and it will be this big joke, putting our affairs in order before we come face-to-face with God? 👰🏻🤵🏻 As a gift, I’ve been working on this piece, which is roughly the size of my iphone. When it’s done, I plan to frame it in a lovely silver frame, which is just a bit bigger on all sides... cont in comments 👇🏻

Ever since I was little, I have always loved #apples. In the house where I grew up we even had an orchard with several different kinds of trees. My favourites were the tiny little ones that were about the size of an apricot and really sweet. I’ve always favoured homegrown and organic over mass produced, going out of my way to walk to a specific shop just to get the right ones. And when I found those... I could easily eat 6-8 in a day or as many as I could afford to get. Then I moved to a small island off the coast of Spain and, because of the humidity, the apples weren’t that great. In fact, most come in via ship, travelling in a solid state to be thawed on arrival. They are soft and brown inside with very little crunch and next to no flavour. When we arrived here four years ago, the loss of my daily apple was a big blow. I’ve been following the #Medicalmedium protocol now for a month, gradually easing myself in to all of the new ways and procedures, gently easing out the “no” foods. I’m not 100% there yet, but I’m doing well and feeling positive. I’ve been surprised by how easy it has been to adapt and by how tasty things like #celeryjuice and the #heavymetaldetoxsmoothie are, and how eating clean is changing my taste buds, making them more sensitive again. It’s helping me deal with cravings and to reduce things like oil and salt. And I’ve been adding #apples to my juices and smoothies every day and really enjoying that. This challenge has inspired me to be more creative and adventurous in my choices and it’s been fun searching out new good foods and taking pride in finding each item. I’ve always loved #fruit and always eaten it, practically living off it, bar dinner, at times in my life. And then four years ago the #fruitfear #trendytrap really hit and I found myself being told by medical practitioners and people in the health industry not to eat it because it was fruit that had helped to make me sick. I am so grateful to #AnthonyWilliam for bringing me back from this silly madness and for giving me my apples (and fruit) back. Fruit really is the best food on earth and apples, when you get a good one, are my favourite. @medicalmedium #28dayapplechallenge

Don’t you just love 💗 her. I do, to the moon 🌝 and back. #cutiepiealert #sleepingbeauty #chihuahuasofinstagram #cutedog #furbaby #sleepyhead

Clearing the manure out of my own metaphysical garden, with words instead of rakes. #backwhenweweretalking #Fridaythrowback #poetry #poem #poetrytherapy #writingtherapy #childhoodhealing #lickingoldwounds #releasingwork #spiritualhealing #poemoftheday #selfhealing #selfhelp #myinsideout #lemonrosepetals

Trying to befriend scary things. 🧟‍♂️🙌🏻#lemonrosepetals #myinsideout #embroideredtruths #mallorca #palmademallorca #calvia #puertoportals #balearics #thyroidhealing #Hashimoto’sthyroiditis #epsteinbarrvirus #autoimmunedisease #medicalmedium #anthonywilliam

DAY 602: FIT TO GRACE ANY DISNEY MOVIE 🌹 These wild roses remind me of English country gardens and bedtime stories about wicked fairies and stepmothers and cursed and enchanted princesses trapped inside castles, most notably the tale of Sleeping Beauty and the poisoned spindle. And in some ways, I too feel like a slumbering princess, just recently awakened. Only the world that I remember isn’t the world that’s here now and the world that’s here isn’t as friendly as the world from before and I don’t feel the same and it’s hard because it’s so dirty and noisy and there are so many people and everyone’s unhappy or sick and it’s all just falling apart. 🌷 I want to rewind to simpler times: days when the streets were empty or you were the only person there; days when there were only a couple of cars and you didn’t have to look both ways to cross or wait for the traffic to pass; days when you could leave your bag on the seat in a cafe, nip to the loo and not rush, and it would still be there when you got back, exactly as you left it; days when people could be trusted, said hello, knew each other’s names; days from before I began, from another era. 🌹 In reverence to olden times and nighttime tales, I turn my sequin flowers into a wild briar, imagining it grown from the stones of the cherries charms that sit above, enchanted like the beans that grew Jack’s stalk. The petals are only a millimetre high and the leaves about the same, so there was lots of squinting, but they are fit, I think, to grace any Disney movie. 🌷

DAY 600: MY 19-MONTH-LONG SEQUIN LOVE AFFAIR 💑 Every so often I get woken from sleep by a nightmare that has me screaming. Not loud enough to wake the neighbourhood or often enough to worry or fear sleep itself, but enough to steal my peace of mind for a few hours at least several times a month. Last night’s night terror was of the traditional kind – I’m always either at home or at school: an adult navigating a child’s environment; terrified and trapped and fleeing a predator, usually human – and yet different; and what struck me was it’s clarity and wisdom. Like a mirror held up to a night-blinded rat: I suddenly saw clearly what I had struggled to see – in any way at all, clear or not – before, and with that sight came the biggest release because I finally realised that it’s not my fault, and all the layers of guilt which I had been shouldering because no one else felt remotely like sharing or carrying even one, fell off, leaving my neck free and my body light. I saw myself – as I am, as I have always been: lovely and perfect, in the way of an organic fruit or wild field flower. 🧟‍♂️🧟‍♀️ To celebrate, I sew a garden – couching around my cherry charms; adding vines and stems and buds and leaves. I’m quite in love with these sequin flowers, they feel like the perfect evolution for my 19-month-long sequin love affair. 🌻🌷🌹 #1yearofstitches #oneyearofstitches #365daysofstitches #1yearofstitches2018 #embroidery #sewing #needlework #needlepoint #embroideredart #sewingprojects #arttherapy #needlepointart #thisprojectwillsavemylife #lemonrosepetals #myinsideout #embroideredtruths #mallorca #palmademallorca #calvia #puertoportals #balearics #thyroidhealing #Hashimoto’sthyroiditis #epsteinbarrvirus #autoimmunedisease #medicalmedium #anthonywilliam —————————— If you would like to learn 👩🏻‍🏫 how to sew like I do, using the thread to tell a story, reveal a secret, share a truth, heal a wound so deep you can’t physically reach it: contact me at myinsideout@me.com for details and to arrange a time ⌚️. I offer 1-2-1 👯‍♀️and Skype/FaceTime👩🏻‍💻tuition in 1 + 2 hour slots, competitively priced 💸. I also sell my work on etsy. See bio for link.

DAY 599: A GOLD STAR AND A PINK AND CREAM ORCHID 🤸🏻‍♀️ I have garnered so much respect for my body over the process of this project and also over the course of the last few years and I’d like to feel that this piece was a testament to that. Not having good health, not being quite yourself, feeling alien and uncomfortable in your own body... well, it has a way of doing that to you. Acutely aware of my own mortality, my fragility, the ends where my means meet: I am learning to be careful with my spoons; spoons being portions of energy available to any day. The twenty-something who could burn the candle at both ends, the thirty-year-old who felt invincible... are gone. I’m more like a septuagenarian: arthritic and withered. I went shopping with a friend the other day, who is, I guess, somewhere in her sixties, and she was the one helping me. It brings it home. 🕊 And yet there is a certain amount of peace in the surrendering. It’s the denial that hurts. In giving up my dreams of children, of a successful office-based career, of a loving, supportive family... I have released myself. So now I can sit all day and sew. Or write. Or draw. Or read books about things that interest me. Or just lounge in front of the tv doing nothing more than watching programmes and movies about people who either have it better or worse. And there’s no guilt. No need. No nagging voice spoiling my fun. Not everything has to have a purpose. The reason for doing can simply be relaxation or fun. 🔬 These sequins represent the work going on inside and the strength and resilience of my blood. Next time my doctor accuses my immune system of failing, of being kaput – which she does quite often and which I take personally because we are one and the same and because we have never failed at anything in our entire lives, not when we wanted it and when it was important to us – I intend to set her straight. These little dears are working extra hard, not slacking off, and they’re doing a splendid job. To celebrate, I add a gold star and a pink and cream orchid. I like this section, it’s oriental, elegant, soothing, and kind of magnetic. Like I can actually feel the power... 💉 Cont in comments 👇🏻

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