DAY 656: A TURQUOISE BOX WITH A WHITE SATIN TIE
💍
Last night I received a gift from my partner, his way of saying "I’m home" and "I’m sorry I had to leave" after a trip. It’s what makes the absences bearable, that bribery, and I insist upon it; although, let’s face it: there’s no substitute for the real thing. In any given month, he’s usually away for several weeks. This time he was gone for four days... back for three... then off again for five... leapfrogging around England. And somehow he got to shop: queue signature turquoise bag and white-satin-ribbon-wrapped-matching-turquoise-box. 💍
To remind myself in the years to come, not just of the gift, but more of the week of solitude, of the week of epic weather and the stamina it required to navigate; to remember the compromises, lessons and challenges, and to recall the things released... I recreate the contents of my box, positioning said 'mystery-unveiled-item' like a trophy atop a mantlepiece, it’s plaque proudly proclaiming "she conquered her fear". When I am old – or at least old enough to be far enough away from this day to look back and fondly reconsider it – I would like to think that even with the item gone, long-since replaced by those other, newer items that took its place: it was meaningful as a mark of how I survived. 💍
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If you would like to learn 👩🏻🏫 how to sew like I do, using the thread to tell a story, reveal a secret, share a truth, heal a wound so deep you can’t physically reach it: contact me at myinsideout@me.com for details and to arrange a time ⌚️. I offer 1-2-1 👯♀️and Skype/FaceTime👩🏻💻tuition in 1 + 2 hour slots, competitively priced 💸. I also sell my work on etsy. See bio for link. ——————————
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DAY 648: FREAK STORMS
⛈
Autumn always brings up different things for me, mostly difficult: the sudden shift from sun to rain, the shorter days and darker skies, the chilly mornings and brisk evenings... all wear down my reserves, so that when anything lands on top – which obviously it always does; it’s like: "Poof!" and suddenly I’m upside down.
☔️
Inspecting the world from this vantage point is dirty work. Through a fog of sleep (said 'fog' derived from not getting enough; not last night, not tonight, not ever...), I muddle on, trying to make the best of it, trying not to take it too personally when there are real storms and floods. For days, I huddle beneath a broken umbrella, inside a rain-drenched house... wondering: if this is Hell; if this is where I’m at and set to remain for the ensuing autumn and winter months. And then it breaks, and there is sun, and it’s almost like none of it happened and we are forgiven again. Only ten people have died, cars have been washed out to sea, villages have sunk and many have lost their homes. This has not happened for 29 years. 🌊
During this time I’ve thought a lot about family and interpersonal relationships and in this thinking I’ve discovered a common theme: the words "guilt"and "shame" come to mind and a sense of not being good enough. I have spent my life apologising for who I am, haemorrhaging love, time, energy, money... on gifts; overly trying, only to realise later on that my difference, which is the issue, is a gift, a gift that should have been encouraged and shown how to shine. ⛈
Laying it down on fabric therefore becomes a ritual: my reaching out in prayer to a power higher up, my looking for help to release these feelings of 'less-than' that I should not be there and that I should not be carrying. Stitching the words; surrounding then in sequins, adding gold and silver bits... becomes very therapeutic. It’s just a shame that, because it’s near the edge, I can’t get a great shot and the fabric’s all wrinkled. But accepting that and allowing it, letting it go out 'as is' is, I guess, all part of the healing. ☔️
DAY 646: KNOWN SPACE
👔
I decided to get the iron out to see if I could straighten things up as we have become a bit rumpled making it hard to get a good shot. A lot of steaming and running backwards and forwards later (with the iron not my feet) and this is what I got. Not prefect but a good deal better than before. I think it’s going to need stretching before it goes into a frame, otherwise parts of it will remain puckered. This is where I wish I had gone to embroidery school so I at least knew how to do that, or so that I didn’t make the stupid mistake to begin with. This is also why so many things that I do end up living in the cupboard waiting for me to feel brave enough to finish them off. And I guess it’s why in general we never start that diet, join that class, book that appointment, make those friends... We don’t like leaving our known space.
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If you would like to learn 👩🏻🏫 how to sew like I do, using the thread to tell a story, reveal a secret, share a truth, heal a wound so deep you can’t physically reach it: contact me at myinsideout@me.com for details and to arrange a time ⌚️. I offer 1-2-1 👯♀️and Skype/FaceTime👩🏻💻tuition in 1 + 2 hour slots, competitively priced 💸. I also sell my work on etsy. See bio for link. ——————————
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DAY 638: THE MISSING PIECE
✨
I’m over my cold and my dog and partner are finally over theirs too. We’ve been a pretty sick family in one way or another these past weeks, each of us getting knocked down by different viruses. I think my dog had it the worst though as she had visits to the vet to contend with for things like blood tests, ultrasounds and vaccination renewals. The poor little thing was so traumatised by the end, she didn’t want to leave the house. Today we are back on track, albeit reluctantly, and, after an hour of being out with me, she has finally decided to relax. Currently, she is sitting on her very own chair with blankets heaped up on and around her because it is cold outside. She will sleep without interruption now for several hours, rousing only when I nudge her to go home. And hopefully tomorrow, having enjoyed and successfully survived today, she will be calmer and trust me again. Talking of which: I am working on restoring and rebuilding mine, both in regards to my health and also to my relationships. Over the course of my life, I have been let down by both and the journey back to trust and hope is a long one.
✨
I stick to silver, carrying on the thought and theme of yesterday, taking the line upwards to join the part that was the beginning spark and stitch of this piece: that simple word "pneumonia" so tension-laced, and the those flamingo-like lungs that look both proud and delicate. I see this journey as like one walking down a moonlit pathway or as journeying through a long tunnel. For this reason, I add a star, as well as bulbs to grow flowers, for where there is illness, tension and pain, growth is necessary to heal things. ✨
Later I try out a new meditation technique, bringing my whole family together to a campfire on the beach. With my aunt as mediator we hold hands and speak, each sharing our grievances. It feels real enough at the time that I believe in it and I’m hopeful that it will be helpful. ✨
Cont in comments... 👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻
DAY 637: FOR SIMPLICITY SAKE...
🌸
There comes a time in every piece of creative work where you have to stop having fun and playing around and start being responsible and serious; this entails surveying the piece as a whole (free of the hoop), looking closely at all of the separate parts, and planning ahead... because the last leg is all about linking and making the work work as a whole. 🎀
I like to think of it like standing in front of a classroom full of students: in this case, ones I have created. Male, female, young, old, black, white, healthy, sick, rich, poor (and hailing from all four corners): pulled together under one roof; art students, maths majors, english lit under-grads, Sociology masters, etc... An amalgam of Self-Help, Psychology, Spirituality, Science and Health: I’m not sure what my piece is. But for simplicity sake, for now, Environmental Health will do. 🎐
Because the pink ribbon I attached at the very beginning has frayed leaving messy edges, I work on mending today. I decide to couch sequins on top, using them as mini anchors, catching the wisps of damaged silk and squashing them underneath. I enjoy this because sequins are therapeutic and overall it seems to add something extra to the ribbon, which stood out a bit too much before. It reminds me of cherry blossoms, rose petals, shells, sea glass and coral and is soft and soothing. I also add silver, crafting triangular necks and running stitch stems for three of the sequins, turning them into flowers. This allows this part of the piece to connect to other parts of the piece as well, joining the separate parts together. 🌸
If you would like to learn 👩🏻🏫 how to sew like I do, using the thread to tell a story, reveal a secret, share a truth, heal a wound so deep you can’t physically reach it: contact me at myinsideout@me.com for details and to arrange a time ⌚️. I offer 1-2-1 👯♀️and Skype/FaceTime👩🏻💻tuition in 1 + 2 hour slots, competitively priced 💸. I also sell my work on etsy. See bio for link. ——————————
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THE ALPHA DRAGON
🐲
The Alpha dragon is all about harnessing male power, the divine masculine energy that resides inside all of us, and using it to stand up for and fight to defend what’s most important in our lives. 🐉
What do we want?
What do we need?
Where are we weak?
Where are we vulnerable? 🐲
This dragon is all about doing a rewrite, returning to the Prologue and First Chapters in order to undertake an edit. Take your childhood pain, teenage frustration, adolescent sadness, young adult wounding, middle-age disappointment and transform it, laying seize to the tower and burning the boats.
🐉
To help you to do this, try picturing what you want to achieve and what you want your life to look like. Pad it out and make it bright, real and tangible. Populate it with people, or that special other half. Add animals, birds and pets. Create your dream house and your perfect landscape. Picture yourself and your work and you at work. Now, in a separate space, picture what you currently have, your reality, including any baggage you may be carrying from your past. See enough of it that you have made it real and can sense and feel it but don’t allow it to re-traumatise you. Visiting it as an observer rather than a participant will help. This part isn’t about manifesting, it’s about deconstructing. You are only imagining it to knock it down. So, in whatever way works best for you: lay waste to this land. Maybe send in a tsunami or a hurricane; a regimen of soldiers and a fleet of battleships; a fire or a storm? Or maybe it’s you with super powers, and some friends – an Alpha Dragon – who have them too? Keep sending in your power, your troops, until you have completely wiped it out. Then return to the other image, the image of what you really want, and drag it into centre view so that this and only this is all that occupies your mind. Walk around it, feeling the texture of the ground beneath your feel. Touch it, taste it, smell it and feel it. Listen to all of its sounds, the bird song, the airplanes. Sit down and say a prayer, willing it into existence and inviting it into being. Then, slowly, come back into the present and surrender all thought, 👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻
THE ORANGE-GOLD DRAGON FROM ARCTURUS 🍊💰 The Orange-Gold Dragon from Arcturus invites you to draw upon his power and energy in order to move forwards with your life, using him as a 'power-up', like in the 1980's Nintendo™, Super Mario™ game. 🍊🐉
Orange is associated with the 2nd Chakra, the Sacral Chakra, located in the lower abdomen. And Gold is the colour of the 12th Chakra, the Stellar Gateway Chakra, roughly 12 inches above the head. With his red hot wings and soft peach belly, this dragon reminds me of summer fruit, like a big bowl of cantaloupe, papaya and tangerine. And in that way I sense he is full of nourishment for the body and soul. 🍊🐉
As a message, his presence heralds the coming of a new age; a shift into a new era. If you feel stuck. If you feel like you are treading water. If it feels like everyone else is moving forwards but you... this is an excellent card to work with. This dragon is strongly connected to Source. He has access to the Akashic Records and is a portal for infinite knowledge and wisdom. Bring that power down into your body and let it sit in your womb and Sacral Chakra. With your hands on your belly, sit, sense and listen to it. If it helps, you can dialogue. 🍊🐉
Moving forwards... let go of yesterday and the shadows that still haunt you; you do not need to be stilled by limiting beliefs. Take yourself somewhere silent. Close your eyes and climb up to the top of the mountain of your life in your mind’s eye. Shut your senses to everything but the present moment and then reach up and keep reaching up until you connect with something important. What do you sense? What do you feel? What do you see? Allow these sensations to assimilate, giving yourself time to really process them. If you are willing and open and ready to surrender... whatever you seek, it will come. And remember: once you have shifted and got used to living inside your new skin; don’t forget to look around and help others to do the same, carrying that energy forwards as a guiding light. 🍊🐉
If you would like a reading 🔮, DM me to find out more or check out my website, Lemonrosepetals.com 🍋
DAY 635: HAVING REACHED AND MOVED PAST THE PINNACLE
🌳🧤🐿🥊
Now, I feel, it’s coming together; the white and the cream finally making sense. It’s almost like there’s a dance going on, between the stars or a group of fireflies. I imagine looking up at a night sky and seeing Ursa Major, The Plough and the Pole Star, which actually takes a lot of imagination because, in truth, I wouldn’t know where to start. Or sitting on a stoop, looking out over a sprinkler-damp garden at the fae-like light. I can also feel the energy of the sun, like in the morning in winter when it’s pale and half-asleep. I guess this parallels my feelings, because operating through a cold is a bit like operating through a dream, everything far off and distant, and, in my person, I feel like someone took out my plug. I like where we’ve ended up, though; the overall shape like a tree: a tree that would make a good advent calendar or a home to live in. It could also be a woollen mitten, an ornate acorn and a boxing glove? At least here the words 'fear' and 'flue' have less power; like right now with me having reached and moved past the pinnacle of the real life thing. Finally, I have breath, a clear head, speech back in my throat. Finally, I can eat without tasting dust. 🌳🧤🐿🥊
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If you would like to learn 👩🏻🏫 how to sew like I do, using the thread to tell a story, reveal a secret, share a truth, heal a wound so deep you can’t physically reach it: contact me at myinsideout@me.com for details and to arrange a time ⌚️. I offer 1-2-1 👯♀️and Skype/FaceTime👩🏻💻tuition in 1 + 2 hour slots, competitively priced 💸. I also sell my work on etsy. See bio for link. ——————————
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DAY 630: MERCURY RISING
🌡
I am hot and sweaty, so I think I must have a fever; although I am not able to check... and, really, it’s only a number, but it would have been useful the last time I was sick. I would have gone back to my doctor and insisted I was ill, gone to the hospital if she ignored me and likely escaped being kept in. And there would be less fear around colds, flue and my immune system; just the usual desire to avoid them and experience a swift recovery when they descend. Six days on IV antibiotics; a further 10 on antibiotic pills... wreaked havoc on my digestive system and instilled some pretty deep trauma. Even my dog looks scared when I cough. 🌡
I remember growing up, there was always a thermometer in the medicine box and I remember my mother was very firm about not biting into it, because of the mercury. I remember wanting to play with it because of it’s fragility and air of mysticism and not being allowed to. I remember when it got replaced by a battery one, which was later coupled with a forehead strip, and being kept from those also. Which is how they ended up on my bucket list, along with things like a clarinet reed and a violin bow. Strange how something that dangerous was so easily available and encouraged for home use. Strange how they put it in cosmetics without telling us and used it to fill our teeth. Strange how they used to believe it had healing properties and dole it out in little pills. Strange and scary, too, because we now know that Mercury leads to Alzheimer’s and other neurological problems, including memory loss and brain fog. Silly world. Terrible scientists. Dumb unsuspecting public. 🌡
I have been saving the bottom of this piece for a special occasion because blank bits are my favourites. It’s the only time I get to really play without worrying about whether it complements or blends in with the rest. Because I am ill, it’s where I focus my attention today: with so much lethargy and yuckiness, I deserve a little fun. I surprise myself by choosing to sew in cream and white, the very opposite to what I had been intending, almost as if I was afraid of the words I wanted to speak and the story... 👇🏻cont in comments...
DAY 629: STREP THROAT
🍓
This week I have a slight flue and am feeling under the weather: cough, congestion, scratchy throat. But it’s not that that has me worried or on a flap: it’s the fear of a repeat bout of pneumonia. I don’t understand how I got it in the first place, so I don’t understand how I won’t get it again and I am terrified of having to take antibiotics because I’m still recovering from the last time. They really battered my body and I am fearful for her. 🍒
The red I wrapped around these sequins looks a bit like a tonsil enflamed by a virus or a solitary raspberry. I imagine my tonsils turning into raspberries as I sew and send love to them. 🥩
#1yearofstitches #oneyearofstitches #365daysofstitches #1yearofstitches2018 #embroidery #sewing #needlework #needlepoint #embroideredart #sewingprojects #arttherapy #needlepointart #thisprojectwillsavemylife #lemonrosepetals #myinsideout #embroideredtruths #mallorca #palmademallorca #calvia #puertoportals #balearics
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If you would like to learn 👩🏻🏫 how to sew like I do, using the thread to tell a story, reveal a secret, share a truth, heal a wound so deep you can’t physically reach it: contact me at myinsideout@me.com for details and to arrange a time ⌚️. I offer 1-2-1 👯♀️and Skype/FaceTime👩🏻💻tuition in 1 + 2 hour slots, competitively priced 💸. I also sell my work on etsy. See bio for link.
DAY 82: HELPING AND HEALING MY THROAT CHAKRA
🐉
The 5th Chakra or Throat Chakra is associated with the colour blue. Its element is sound. It represents communication and speech and governs how you express yourself verbally. Its keywords are truth, communication, self-expression, creative identity (conscious), peace, spirituality, transformation and trust.
🐲
The hole through which we satiate the needs of the mind and body, our throats are like portals (with megaphones attached!); conveying inner to outer; making insubstantial concrete and dreamscape real. When others don’t understand us or misinterpret what we are trying to say, it’s not only frustrating, it’s isolating, disconnecting us from our sense of self. So much of our foundation and our personal reality is dependent upon how others perceive us. If someone we have to interact with regularly sees us as something other than that which we desire, someone who is perhaps difficult, selfish, awkward or unpleasant, etc.. it hurts, eventually leading to self-recrimination and doubt and a loss of confidence with who we are inside. The throat reveals the barriers you have to clear communication and the gaps between what you say you want and what you want. A strong throat can help you to stand up for what you believe in, share yourself authentically, and be more balanced emotionally, releasing old conditioning, programming and beliefs. 🐉
If you often find yourself in conflict, lose momentum and track when communicating, sacrifice your truth for the truth of others and regularly fail to satisfy your basic inner needs, you may need to spend some time focusing on your throat in order to cleanse, balance, release and heal... what is currently trapped inside.
🐲
Focusing on your throat will enable you to: communicate with ease and clarity; be true to yourself; stand up for yourself; speak your truth without apology; be more confident about what you say; listen to your own voice (and to the voice(es) of others); feel comfortable around other people (both one-to-one and in groups); be more friendly and open; trust more; challenge yourself daily; .....cont in comments...👇🏻
DAY 626: UNSHED TEARS AND YET TO BE RELEASED GRIEF
😪
I had a reunion today with a close friend after an absence of three months. She is the friend I went swimming in the sea with at the beginning of summer, and the friend I meet each week to sew with in one or other cafe. She has just returned from Barcelona, where she went to look after her mother who is in a home and who is sick, so that her sister, who usually looks after her, could go on holiday. Over the last two years we have shared many projects, as well as conversations. This week, instead of mending a cardigan or shortening a pair of trousers, she pulls out a hoop and a circular mat with a crocheted surround, wraps a torn pillowcase around the larger frame edge, and attaches the mat to it. It is a present for her mother, who has recently passed. On Friday, her family is holding a private ceremony on a mountain hilltop in the grounds of a small monastery and she has been instructed to bring a gift. Whether for the fire, the sea or a daughter or grandson... she doesn’t know; it is a close-kept secret. It strikes me as such a precious, beautiful idea, and one that can only help. Saying goodbye to someone who is dying of old age and terminal illness but who, for some reason, has not up until now been able to let go, has been a difficult journey. She has had two years of hopping on a plane, rushing to a bedside, witnessing anguish and pain. Her mother is at peace, free: it is what everyone wanted. But there is her, and her family’s, grief and pain. 🔥
As I watch her I sew what I think are roots, grounding and anchoring the newly created colour. But afterwards, on reflection, I think they look more like weeds – bright arms of coral reaching out to embrace a larger less vibrant reef of silver and gold, the sequins like underwater fish eggs, tadpole larvae, anaemic grapes or pealed lychee. There’s also the thought, feeling and form of unshed tears and yet-to-be-released grief. 🍇
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